Every time I think of an interpersonal relationship, I am convinced that if I define "Whats in it for me", dealings are simple and uncomplicated. I learnt it almost accidentally at a ripe old age of 21. Great age when I had just started going steady with my girlfriend. Falling in love can be quite a mixed bag of feelings - while on one hand there is a sense of one of the greatest achievements ("ladki pat gayi yaar!!!) you also start getting strange insecurities. Logic beautifully starts taking a backseat (pun intended!).
My girlfriend Pallavi (name not changed) and I used to have these big fights about whether she needs me as an escort or can go home alone. I used to almost patiently explain the bad side of the world that I have seen at ripe old 21 which a beautiful girl at 18 wouldn't know - at the end of this session she would just say "MCP" and walk off alone! It was just not getting anywhere - then one day it struck me like a lightening - I just explained her which I can't resist repeating:
"Look when you leave Vile Parle and go to Worli by Bus , it takes about 1 Hr and 15 mins - I can't think of anything other than your safety till you call me from home (This is 1991 folks- so no mobile phones!!) - time pretty much wasted. If I drop you home we reach Worli in 30 mins - I get additional half an hour with you. While returning I am at peace because I know I have dropped you home and I am back in half an hour and I still have 15 mins saved! I do it more for my peace of mind than you needing an escort" - Made sense to her. As I got my bike, the beauty took the backseat with that logic!!
More often than not its our "doing something for others" that kills relationships . This either creates "martyrs" or creates "expectations" - a poison for healthy relationship. Everything that I did - there always was something in it for me. Even when I was working in the slums for the adult literacy program I guess it was more for that "high" that I used to get - some adults getting educated was just a bye-product.
As you sit down and explain whats in it for "you", things work wonderfully well even in during a sales pitch. I have found it is extremely fruitful to sit down for a quiet chat with a customer to explain "whats in it for me" - always gave me some great relationships!
Well for those of us who would like to know about how are things between me and Pallavi now - If she has to catch any early morning flight I just personally drive her to the Airport - you have all heard stories about how cabbies can be - haven't you??
You got some great writing abilities and a nice way to put things into words. You just found a regular reader for your blog in me ;-) Keep it going..
ReplyDeleteThanx Kedar - This will keep me going :-)
ReplyDeleteCompletely agree. In a similar vein, I have always believed that people adopting kids is really about fulfilling a very 'selfish' objective. A very desirable trait of course, when ascribed to such a situation.
ReplyDeletei always look forward for your posts .. " whats in it for me" .. I end up wiser .. CNS Satish
ReplyDeleteFirstly I must say that a blog is a brilliant facilitator for reflection.. awesome initiative sirji :)
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note, this "whats in it for me" clarity of thought seems to come so very naturally to people having gone through the sales high !
But what truly shines through the two posts is the joy that the author seems to be experiencing as he types away...
Keep at it!
-Anvesha
Got it right Anvesha about the joy of writing - almost like a new toy in the hands :-)
ReplyDeleteBrilliant stuff, Yogesh. And very true. Most of us have felt similarly at some points in our lives, and still do. Keep writing, pal, and may the force be with you!
ReplyDeleteNice to see you here. That familier humor "Name not changed".
ReplyDeleteI have added you in my "Blogs I am following".
You have amazingly simple way of writing! Keep going.
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