Childhood stories and Coaching

Childhood stories are fun to listen to when we hear them ... meaning of some of those stories is understood much later...

Just came across a childhood story which I’m sure all of you have read or heard. As I was hearing it again, I had a ‘lightbulb’ moment!! I was trying to comprehend some aspects of coaching on my journey to gain mastery in coaching and this story knocked some meaning in my head...

This is a story of two cranes and a tortoise who were best of friends. They all lived happily near a lake. The problem used to be in summer when the cranes would fly away to find another lake with plenty of water.... one summer as they were leaving they said to the tortoise,”We wish you could join us - it’s such a brilliant place out there and not only that - even the journey is beautiful”. As one crane said it, other one had an idea”AHA”he said,”we can take you there. I’ve an idea. We will both hold a stick between us. You hold that stick tightly in your mouth as we fly - but be careful- don’t open your mouth which would be a disaster!!”

Tortoise was overjoyed and readily agreed. The two cranes found out a strong enough twig which would take the weight of the tortoise and they set off as per their plan. Most of the journey was ok and tortoise was really enjoying the new experience of flying!!

As they came near the lake, the view was simply breathtaking and tortoise couldn’t resist saying “ah! What a beautiful place” ......yes ... and that of course was the end of the journey.....

Many a times in coaching our client takes us on a beautiful journey and he/she is in a ‘zone’. This is the time where a coach needs to understand the importance of silence. Silence is the best way to be present there as the coach. This is a delicate moment when coach sometimes gets overwhelmed with his/her own emotion and feels compelled to say something- that’s precisely the tortoise moment. If you understand the real meaning of coach presence, it is never about you or your feelings as a coach - if you are tuned in with active listening you will enjoy your client’s journey keeping your mouth shut!!

The six little ones who taught me coaching!

I was on my journey to pursue mastery in coaching. My mentor coaches insisted that I stop being cognitive and enjoy the whole process as it unfolds and somewhere I was struggling....

Around the same time our Labrador - Angel delivered six breathtakingly beautiful pups. We were overjoyed but also overwhelmed with a sense of responsibility- we knew that we would be giving them for adoption to the right families but for 45 days they were our responsibility- a time when they are most susceptible to all kind of infections !!! So we went on an overdrive mode - we went out and bought 6 trays and created beds for them with soft bedsheets and all!  For the uninitiated about puppy world - the pups when are born have eyes closed and can only crawl for first 10-12 days! The real fun then started! My daughter, mother-in-law, wife and I started a round-the-clock vigil - as soon as any puppy wailed, we would quickly check if  it has wetted the bed or else put the puppy for feeding with mother. Angel - their mother - being a pampered girl was pretty relaxed as she saw us efficiently working like well-trained assembly-line line workers with her puppies! End of three days and we were looking like zombies! “There must be a better way” I muttered to which my wife replied  “babies are like this and we have six of them and you can’t even run to your corporate life now as you’ve none!” - we both laughed and then she said,”you are right - let’s talk to people who have gone through this earlier” - so we made couple of quick calls to our friends who had experience of puppy-sitting- as soon as they heard what we were doing they were in splits .... ‘Are you folks crazy?’ Being used to this question in general in life, we did not mind the comment! They further said “just put a safety boundary so that the puppies don’t crawl all over the house and possibly get trampled - other than that just leave them with their mother and let her figure it out with her pups!”. Not convinced... but out of sheer exhaustion we agreed and AHA! the constant wailing stopped - as soon as they wanted to feed, they would crawl to their mother and feed themselves! As soon as their mother thought they had enough, she would get up and walked away! The whole thing looked sorted out!! We actually for the first time started enjoying the whole stuff!

.....And it’s then that the penny dropped for me! Just by creating a safe zone and treating them like perfectly capable beings, the first-time mother and her little pups who hadn’t even opened their eyes figured it all out! Less pain for them (the amazing and constant wailing stopped!) and much lesser to do for us!! .... the problem is that we were looking at it from our perspective and trying to help which in the first place was not required!! Just create a safe boundary and watch them figure it out - it’s actually fulfilling!!

So the six little ones had a lesson for me - when you coach someone- you are dealing with someone who is perfectly capable of figuring his/her way out, the moment you try to “help” - you as a coach are looking at things from your perspective which is irrelevant from the point of view of coaching!! You actually can create more confusion... just be there holding the mirror as a coach and then observe your client waltzing like a star!!!