The country of paradoxes …. where Mercs and bullock-carts co-exist on the road …. the feet of elders are still touched at home while calling your seniors by first names in the office ….. a country with a throbbing heart ….. a beautiful place that’s never short of surprises …. Here are a few that touched my heart….. this is my India …. The picture may not be representative …. But then who cares??
As we sat down for dinner, I saw my wife little bit in a pensive mood. Being a cheerful person that she is, I was curious. When asked about the reason, the situation she told me was one of the most fascinating that I heard around me for some time……
The maid servant who works at our place has a story of her own. She works to support the family of husband + 3 kids (One son and two daughters). She is very keen that the kids take up studies very seriously. The story so far is nothing special ….. the real stuff is in the details of the story …. Elder son is average in studies so he works daytime to support his mother’s income and studies at night college …. The daughter – middle one of the siblings is very passionate about the studies and studied against all difficulties (family of 5 staying in one room). Based on her 12th standard performance she secured an admission in one of the Pune-based Engineering college for Computer Engineering! This is where the problem started staring at them – how to manage the expenses? How to pay the fees? …. especially when deadline for payment was just two days away. In this context she narrated the whole problem to my wife. I now understood why my wife was lost in her thoughts. “We should pay the fees for her first year to begin with” she said on an impulse. I couldn’t agree more “Whats the amount” When she told me the amount, the irony of the situation hit me – the amount was not more than if you treat a group of 8-10 friends for a few drinks and food in a good restaurant! Thankfully she had got an admission in reserved quota so there was a concession in fees. “Give her the cheque tomorrow in the name of the college but how are they going to manage the other expenses?”I asked. “Lets see, first lets at least help them to secure admission”. My wife told me that the joy on the lady’s face was an instant returns of the investment! …… Two days later the lady came beaming – The amount required for hostel and other yearly expenses was arranged partly through some bank loan by intervention of some kind-hearted banker (generally banks give more money to people who have it in the first place!). The rest of it was organized partly through some personal financial help and partly through some financial aid from a local MLA……..
The incident was overwhelming for me as number of stories emerge …..
1. More often than not I have seen the reserved quota system in education is misused by many who actually may not need it….. so it was nice to see a LIVE case of the benefit reaching the worthy.
2. We started the help in our humble way and we were not alone! Without worrying about overall feasibility if some help comes forward, there is a hope for the person to seek help …. Whenever you help someone, you are not unique – there are many others like you …. The amount raised for meeting annual expenses was quite impressive
3. Whatever criticism our education system draws, it still helps worthy students with burning desire to acquire education …. Time and again this has been proved by innumerable cases of studying in hardship
4. LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST – We have a serious issue of bias against the female child starting right from female infanticide – here was a case of a family with lower income group and uneducated parents working hard to get their daughter educated more than a son based on meritocracy! Just like candle in the stormy night, these stories always light my heart! There is HOPE ……
JAI HO!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
This (also) happens in India – part 1
The country of paradoxes …. where Mercs and bullock-carts co-exist on the road …. the feet of elders are still touched at home while calling your seniors by first names in the office ….. a country with a throbbing heart ….. a beautiful place that’s never short of surprises …. Here are a few that touched my heart….. this is my India …. The picture may not be representative …. But then who cares??
August 2009 …… 25the August 2009 to be precise, I read an interesting article that was published in the local newspaper. This was a real life story of one Mr V. V. Venkataraman who taught Tamil language at school for 41 years and retired in 1985. Throughout his life he stayed in a rented accommodation and as the years passed by even that was unaffordable on a schoolteachers’ pension….. It came to a situation where he had even leave that house ….. one of his students who had retired as a municipal commissioner heard this and was really upset …. He connected with around 500 students whom Mr Venkataraman had taught … together they bought a 1200 sq. ft of land and built a two-storied house to be handed over to him on 5th September 2009 – the day India celebrates as Teachers’ day in memory of Dr Radhakrishnan …
The story can be viewed from two viewpoints …. It’s a disturbing state of affairs for the builders of our nation – the teachers as they spend lifetime molding generations …. But there is also a story of the enormous goodwill that the profession evokes in today’s age of break-neck speed …..
Closer home I have seen my in-laws getting the respect from the most unexpected quarters and in the most unexpected places as they come across some student or other wherever they go …. More than happiness, there is a visible pride written on their faces about the success of their student (A pride due to someone else’s success – a feeling I guess that might remain alien to me!)
Generations today may not exactly behave in the same manner with their teachers as generations did a few decades before, but even today the good honest teachers invariably draw the same respect ….
While something has been done on the pay front (I believe) and a lot needs to be done on the capability building front for teachers, there is one obvious matchmaking that may change the world … The problem is that apart from some isolated incidents, even today there is no concrete platform where students can reach out to their retired teachers who may need help …. Remember I am talking about an era where there was no internet “to keep in touch” and possibly talking about the teachers who even today may not have an access. I am sure this will be a powerhouse of an initiative which will give platform to the students to offer “gurudakshina” (A concept where student pays for the knowledge offered by a teacher and the payment is always considered as token in proportion to the knowledge received!) – many will come forward to reach out and honour their teachers rather than making the teachers waiting for the “favours” from the government!
August 2009 …… 25the August 2009 to be precise, I read an interesting article that was published in the local newspaper. This was a real life story of one Mr V. V. Venkataraman who taught Tamil language at school for 41 years and retired in 1985. Throughout his life he stayed in a rented accommodation and as the years passed by even that was unaffordable on a schoolteachers’ pension….. It came to a situation where he had even leave that house ….. one of his students who had retired as a municipal commissioner heard this and was really upset …. He connected with around 500 students whom Mr Venkataraman had taught … together they bought a 1200 sq. ft of land and built a two-storied house to be handed over to him on 5th September 2009 – the day India celebrates as Teachers’ day in memory of Dr Radhakrishnan …
The story can be viewed from two viewpoints …. It’s a disturbing state of affairs for the builders of our nation – the teachers as they spend lifetime molding generations …. But there is also a story of the enormous goodwill that the profession evokes in today’s age of break-neck speed …..
Closer home I have seen my in-laws getting the respect from the most unexpected quarters and in the most unexpected places as they come across some student or other wherever they go …. More than happiness, there is a visible pride written on their faces about the success of their student (A pride due to someone else’s success – a feeling I guess that might remain alien to me!)
Generations today may not exactly behave in the same manner with their teachers as generations did a few decades before, but even today the good honest teachers invariably draw the same respect ….
While something has been done on the pay front (I believe) and a lot needs to be done on the capability building front for teachers, there is one obvious matchmaking that may change the world … The problem is that apart from some isolated incidents, even today there is no concrete platform where students can reach out to their retired teachers who may need help …. Remember I am talking about an era where there was no internet “to keep in touch” and possibly talking about the teachers who even today may not have an access. I am sure this will be a powerhouse of an initiative which will give platform to the students to offer “gurudakshina” (A concept where student pays for the knowledge offered by a teacher and the payment is always considered as token in proportion to the knowledge received!) – many will come forward to reach out and honour their teachers rather than making the teachers waiting for the “favours” from the government!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
“Are you the PRINCIPAL here?”.....
As I walked in the office with my daughter on a lazy Saturday morning, the security at the gate greeted with a smart salute…..my daughter was suitably impressed ….. I’ll be nothing but a hypocrite if I don’t admit being pleased at my own importance in front of my daughter. I guess I had a little swagger as I walked to my cabin…… We were there just to pick up some stuff that I had left there…. As we walked back, she asked me, “Is this your place?” looking at my puzzled expression she asked, “Are you the PRINCIPAL of this whole place?” and in a flash I suddenly realized what she meant…”Hmmm, not exactly sweetheart”…. I only wished…. “Then how come the security saluted you? Our security salutes only the PRINCIPAL of the school”…… I did not know how to explain her and did not have the heart to tell the kid that amidst all the crisis I get into every day, I generally don’t have the swagger as I walk to my cabin!
For some strange reason, my mind went back a few years back while I was still in my first job…… one of our peons, Dattu, one day came to me and said,” I need a little favour”…. I suddenly became alert – what would it be…job for someone, money, extended leave….as if reading my mind he clarified “I don’t need anything for myself but we run a school in our community. There is a batch of 10th standard students that is passing out. It will be nice if you can address them”. Honestly, I felt a little overwhelmed……. Being in my twenties myself, I hardly had an exposure to such an honour. When I reached the venue, I saw Dattu beaming as the head of reception committee…… all decked up, wearing spotless white like a local politician and of course with the mandatory “Gandhi Cap”. We shook hands and proceeded to the venue…it went off ok (honestly don’t remember much of it!) … at the end, I had tea at Dattu’s place…. We discussed everything including politics……usual stuff when two colleagues meet on a social occasion… Indeed I had a nice time…… As I walked away I remember having a few thoughts ringing in my head…. Dattu and I hit off really well ….. I could very clearly see that he was a community leader – a fact I hardly knew ….. for Dattu’s kids who were introduced to me, I was a colleague from their father’s office and I must confess that I had graciously responded to a peon’s invitation…. My idea of my social responsibility blah….blah…..
As a man (or of course the woman for that matter) walks to the office from home, he walks out as the boss of the house….. runs the family. As he leaves for the office he is easily the most important person in the house …. There is an image of the parent that the kids build up in their mind …. Irrespective of what happens at the office….. As we take decisions that impact people or for matter as we speak to them would it not be great if we just graciously accept the fact that we are talking to someone’s HERO…… I guess conflict management experts soon will go out of the jobs!
For some strange reason, my mind went back a few years back while I was still in my first job…… one of our peons, Dattu, one day came to me and said,” I need a little favour”…. I suddenly became alert – what would it be…job for someone, money, extended leave….as if reading my mind he clarified “I don’t need anything for myself but we run a school in our community. There is a batch of 10th standard students that is passing out. It will be nice if you can address them”. Honestly, I felt a little overwhelmed……. Being in my twenties myself, I hardly had an exposure to such an honour. When I reached the venue, I saw Dattu beaming as the head of reception committee…… all decked up, wearing spotless white like a local politician and of course with the mandatory “Gandhi Cap”. We shook hands and proceeded to the venue…it went off ok (honestly don’t remember much of it!) … at the end, I had tea at Dattu’s place…. We discussed everything including politics……usual stuff when two colleagues meet on a social occasion… Indeed I had a nice time…… As I walked away I remember having a few thoughts ringing in my head…. Dattu and I hit off really well ….. I could very clearly see that he was a community leader – a fact I hardly knew ….. for Dattu’s kids who were introduced to me, I was a colleague from their father’s office and I must confess that I had graciously responded to a peon’s invitation…. My idea of my social responsibility blah….blah…..
As a man (or of course the woman for that matter) walks to the office from home, he walks out as the boss of the house….. runs the family. As he leaves for the office he is easily the most important person in the house …. There is an image of the parent that the kids build up in their mind …. Irrespective of what happens at the office….. As we take decisions that impact people or for matter as we speak to them would it not be great if we just graciously accept the fact that we are talking to someone’s HERO…… I guess conflict management experts soon will go out of the jobs!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Some Stuff about Ideas....
The man who had given me an appointment obviously relished his food more than talking to me….Of course he had asked me about food albeit with a clear expectation that I should say no! ….. After all these years, I somehow vividly remember the menu of his lunchbox but do not remember a single word that we talked….. a few friends in the college told me that I draw great caricatures (which was a fact) and had liked the way I sometimes sketched on my T-shirts…… “Why don’t you approach some agency who can market your offerings if you make the T-shirts”…… Without a thought, I went to meet someone in South Mumbai behind Sterling Cinema…… when I look back, I realize that the appointment given to me was more out of respect for my father than anything to do with the idea of 19-year old…. I have no grudges for the man who loved his food better than my idea……
After a few years in the job, when I was still in my twenties, I almost became obsessed with a desire to be an entrepreneur …… As I decided to take a plunge into entrepreneurship, I decided to stick to something closer to my background and started a recruitment consultancy predominantly focused on overseas placements …….. I can still smell my first new letterhead…… first small office…. I was on a high and back then in nineties earned my first million rupees …… not bad for a boy in late twenties in the year 1998 with just one PC as an investment…. I remember spending year and half happily only to get stuck completely on way ahead…… not because lack of work or capabilities but it was clearly a stage where I had to invest to expand…… was it worth was the question….. Having started business to earn more money….. I just felt limitations on my own knowledge and exposure – not so much of a problem by itself but I myself lacked clarity on big picture…… I took one of the most emotionally difficult decisions of my career….. to close down what I had started with so much of pride… It was a decision that baffled a few as I by then had started earning some decent money (I could buy a brand new car out of the money made from my enterprise – an ultimate middle class test of success!)…. The year was 1999 …. Demand for my sort of business was at peak …… I was fed up with it and decided to move on……
Life has been generous….. my career has always given me a diverse exposure….. I have always been associated with great people…… When I look back I guess I learnt a few things about ideas…..
1. Idea is not an impulse which you casually walk into ….. my heart really goes for the man who listened to me patiently over his lunch
2. It is good to dream higher money and the good things that come along with it but that perhaps is not adequate to be an idea…… An idea itself should be strong enough to be a guiding force ….. strong enough to keep the desire burning
3. An idea can be big only if it can be built upon by many …. Only if there are multitudes of stakeholder who see something in it for them …. All the big stories are built this way!
4. The beauty about an idea is you can understand all the theory about an idea but that doesn’t help to create one…..it has to strike your heart!
As I go along thankful to my exposures and learning that life has to offer, deep somewhere in my mind, I hope and pray that my big idea is somewhere out there and waiting to strike my heart! …………..
After a few years in the job, when I was still in my twenties, I almost became obsessed with a desire to be an entrepreneur …… As I decided to take a plunge into entrepreneurship, I decided to stick to something closer to my background and started a recruitment consultancy predominantly focused on overseas placements …….. I can still smell my first new letterhead…… first small office…. I was on a high and back then in nineties earned my first million rupees …… not bad for a boy in late twenties in the year 1998 with just one PC as an investment…. I remember spending year and half happily only to get stuck completely on way ahead…… not because lack of work or capabilities but it was clearly a stage where I had to invest to expand…… was it worth was the question….. Having started business to earn more money….. I just felt limitations on my own knowledge and exposure – not so much of a problem by itself but I myself lacked clarity on big picture…… I took one of the most emotionally difficult decisions of my career….. to close down what I had started with so much of pride… It was a decision that baffled a few as I by then had started earning some decent money (I could buy a brand new car out of the money made from my enterprise – an ultimate middle class test of success!)…. The year was 1999 …. Demand for my sort of business was at peak …… I was fed up with it and decided to move on……
Life has been generous….. my career has always given me a diverse exposure….. I have always been associated with great people…… When I look back I guess I learnt a few things about ideas…..
1. Idea is not an impulse which you casually walk into ….. my heart really goes for the man who listened to me patiently over his lunch
2. It is good to dream higher money and the good things that come along with it but that perhaps is not adequate to be an idea…… An idea itself should be strong enough to be a guiding force ….. strong enough to keep the desire burning
3. An idea can be big only if it can be built upon by many …. Only if there are multitudes of stakeholder who see something in it for them …. All the big stories are built this way!
4. The beauty about an idea is you can understand all the theory about an idea but that doesn’t help to create one…..it has to strike your heart!
As I go along thankful to my exposures and learning that life has to offer, deep somewhere in my mind, I hope and pray that my big idea is somewhere out there and waiting to strike my heart! …………..
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Information can be liability
I had just moved into Sales from my HR profession and we were discussing one of the possible deals. As we sat around to discuss our proposed solution, my enthusiastic sales person poured out information on competition…. Who is our competitor, who is the person involved from their side, his background, competitor’s strategy, solution…. Being novice to the sales function I was impressed! Next few hours we dissected the information received and finally shut our mouths and laptops to go home quite late into night…… As I drove back in the quiet of the night, something was troubling me……While trying to catch up sleep on reaching home, I realized what was it….. Yes, we had a great in-depth discussion on competitor solution and strategy, but we were no nearer to our own solution…. Next day as we met and resumed our discussion I had a simple question, “What’s our game?” As we slugged it out, we repeatedly came back to competitor’s strengths and our relative problems ….. We took a long time and in the end I still felt something missing…… not a very great feeling when you go out to win a deal…..
…. A few months down the line we were on another one… this time I was little more confident to lead the sales effort from the front…. As we sat around looking at the Request For Proposal (RFQ), we realized that we did not even have a clue about 3 of the 8 services required. This time I had declared –Lets first get together what we have and what we know….. I’ll do something about the 3 service lines that we don’t know…… I remember we had a great time and when we were ready with what we knew, the effort looked pretty good …. Almost a feeling an artist striking a right symphony…… “so what’s the plan for the other 3 service lines?” Someone asked me..... “I’ll present something on that”….. knowing my technical competency, everyone was bewildered! “What do you mean?” “Have we tied up with some partners?”…. “No” ….. “then what?” “We’ll tell them that we do not know” …. “Are you mad??” “No, look at it this way, you guys have almost created an artwork in your areas, I don’t want to stick some patchwork on that”….. One good part about that team was we trusted each other completely ….. As we stood for the presentation, I told our future prospects “Gentlemen, We are going to present only 5 service lines because even the spelling of other 3 service lines we know from your Request For Proposal document” they chuckled and said “Go ahead guys” …… Our guys did a fantastic job as they came into their elements in their respective areas for the balance of the presentation….. As the long drawn process concluded, we finally bagged one of the biggest deals for the region …. Later on as I talked to that CIO at his office, he told me “Look, I know perhaps you guys are not biggest or the best but you were the only ones who were candid right from the word go. We were doing Offshore work for the first time and the most important parameter was we wanted to work with someone we could trust. After all we are not asking to develop rocket science!” I confess …. That it was not a planned strategy or something ….. neither did we win only because of honesty …. Our technical guys did an outstanding job in presenting the solution but what I guessed worked in the retrospect was follows:
1. We focused on what we knew and came with our own solution based on our own strength ….. most importantly we believed in what we said
2. Other competitors were so big in size that the gap was just scary …. Even if we had stood on our heads we wouldn’t have come even close to their areas of strengths
3. We trusted each other and had a secret pact of flying under the radar lest someone from within organization should get alarmed at the stupid things we were doing on a big deal…. Rather than attracting all help and information, we picked and chose what we wanted or rather what we could process!
I am neither an expert on Sales or Strategy (or actually on anything for that matter!!) but I strongly feel that there is merit in taking a look at the philosophy that equates information with power. I don’t claim to have all right answers but sometimes focusing too much on information available like a competitor’s information makes you more reactive. I have always preferred to take stock of my resources and play by my strengths …. Information can be intoxicating …. Overdose of it can be quite confusing if you cannot process it all or influence any change based on it.
It is better to stay focused on your objective and seek relevant information rather than being led by information. Information is key to all decisions but overdose of information can be a liability……..
…. A few months down the line we were on another one… this time I was little more confident to lead the sales effort from the front…. As we sat around looking at the Request For Proposal (RFQ), we realized that we did not even have a clue about 3 of the 8 services required. This time I had declared –Lets first get together what we have and what we know….. I’ll do something about the 3 service lines that we don’t know…… I remember we had a great time and when we were ready with what we knew, the effort looked pretty good …. Almost a feeling an artist striking a right symphony…… “so what’s the plan for the other 3 service lines?” Someone asked me..... “I’ll present something on that”….. knowing my technical competency, everyone was bewildered! “What do you mean?” “Have we tied up with some partners?”…. “No” ….. “then what?” “We’ll tell them that we do not know” …. “Are you mad??” “No, look at it this way, you guys have almost created an artwork in your areas, I don’t want to stick some patchwork on that”….. One good part about that team was we trusted each other completely ….. As we stood for the presentation, I told our future prospects “Gentlemen, We are going to present only 5 service lines because even the spelling of other 3 service lines we know from your Request For Proposal document” they chuckled and said “Go ahead guys” …… Our guys did a fantastic job as they came into their elements in their respective areas for the balance of the presentation….. As the long drawn process concluded, we finally bagged one of the biggest deals for the region …. Later on as I talked to that CIO at his office, he told me “Look, I know perhaps you guys are not biggest or the best but you were the only ones who were candid right from the word go. We were doing Offshore work for the first time and the most important parameter was we wanted to work with someone we could trust. After all we are not asking to develop rocket science!” I confess …. That it was not a planned strategy or something ….. neither did we win only because of honesty …. Our technical guys did an outstanding job in presenting the solution but what I guessed worked in the retrospect was follows:
1. We focused on what we knew and came with our own solution based on our own strength ….. most importantly we believed in what we said
2. Other competitors were so big in size that the gap was just scary …. Even if we had stood on our heads we wouldn’t have come even close to their areas of strengths
3. We trusted each other and had a secret pact of flying under the radar lest someone from within organization should get alarmed at the stupid things we were doing on a big deal…. Rather than attracting all help and information, we picked and chose what we wanted or rather what we could process!
I am neither an expert on Sales or Strategy (or actually on anything for that matter!!) but I strongly feel that there is merit in taking a look at the philosophy that equates information with power. I don’t claim to have all right answers but sometimes focusing too much on information available like a competitor’s information makes you more reactive. I have always preferred to take stock of my resources and play by my strengths …. Information can be intoxicating …. Overdose of it can be quite confusing if you cannot process it all or influence any change based on it.
It is better to stay focused on your objective and seek relevant information rather than being led by information. Information is key to all decisions but overdose of information can be a liability……..
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Mirrors don’t lie...
“The mirror of this new dressing table has some fault. It gives a little distorted image – a little horizontal distortion”. My wife chuckled ,”Mirrors don’t lie my dear – you have put on weight” Well, I hated hearing this but I guess she was right! Sometimes it is really difficult to accept what you see in the mirror –it contradicts the image that you have in your mind. If you think you have a great voice as you merrily sing – just record your singing next time you sing and try listening to the recording – you will exactly know what I mean!
The mirror took me to an incident long back when I was studying in final year graduation. Though I studied in one of the best schools that time, I studied in vernacular medium. Conversing fluently in English had almost become an ambition that looked more like a mirage. I was literally wrestling with English language – I had aborted reading about 25-30 novels after struggling with first twenty pages, I had developed a strong nausea for news-reading as I struggled with the pages of Times. Otherwise life was pretty alright, I had great friends and couldn’t have asked for a better quality of student life. I was also the elected secretary of my college which had given me rights to strut around like a proud rooster. Even when I sat in the library, it was not without the group of friends. It was one of those lazy afternoons in the library. My friends and me were sitting around in library with books in front. I guess no-one would have turned more than 2 pages in an hour. We just loved to idle away in the library discussing life! “Hmm, I don’t know – I am still not happy with my English speaking” I almost said to myself. A friend sitting next to me looked at me and started laughing. I asked her “what’s funny?” “Your problem is you think in Marathi (my mother tongue), then translate it in English by checking grammar and all. By the time you are ready to speak its too late.” As she said this in front of so many, my pride was hurt. When you are 19-20 years, what hurts you is not only the content but also the fact that a girl speaks to you like that in public, especially when I had a reputation to defend!! I was almost stunned – but something in me stopped me from reacting back – I just kept quiet. She was a very dear friend and couldn’t have meant bad! What happened in a few months that followed is really hard to describe. Around six months later as I appeared for one of my MBA admission interviews, a lady on the interview panel asked me “Are you really from vernacular medium?” I was so pleased that I was not even bothered about the result of the interview!!
..... I have thought about this incident many a times in my mind over past few years but I am yet to reach any definite cause-effect relationship between the incident in college library and my progress in spoken English...... I have speculated but no clear answer yet......
.....May be more often than not I was always surrounded by friends whom I completely trusted...... we never bothered about being politically correct to each other....we just used to speak out our heart....
Many a times an awareness about a problem solves more than half of it.... the trick is you need someone to tell you the problem bluntly....As the years pass by sometimes our ability take feedback diminishes ..... its our success, growing pride.... insecurity whatever it may be.....but more often than not we surround ourselves with people who are politically correct with no sharp edges...... I think this is where we start losing the game. Actually you always need people around you whom you can trust and who can call spade a spade..... simply because mirrors don’t lie!
The mirror took me to an incident long back when I was studying in final year graduation. Though I studied in one of the best schools that time, I studied in vernacular medium. Conversing fluently in English had almost become an ambition that looked more like a mirage. I was literally wrestling with English language – I had aborted reading about 25-30 novels after struggling with first twenty pages, I had developed a strong nausea for news-reading as I struggled with the pages of Times. Otherwise life was pretty alright, I had great friends and couldn’t have asked for a better quality of student life. I was also the elected secretary of my college which had given me rights to strut around like a proud rooster. Even when I sat in the library, it was not without the group of friends. It was one of those lazy afternoons in the library. My friends and me were sitting around in library with books in front. I guess no-one would have turned more than 2 pages in an hour. We just loved to idle away in the library discussing life! “Hmm, I don’t know – I am still not happy with my English speaking” I almost said to myself. A friend sitting next to me looked at me and started laughing. I asked her “what’s funny?” “Your problem is you think in Marathi (my mother tongue), then translate it in English by checking grammar and all. By the time you are ready to speak its too late.” As she said this in front of so many, my pride was hurt. When you are 19-20 years, what hurts you is not only the content but also the fact that a girl speaks to you like that in public, especially when I had a reputation to defend!! I was almost stunned – but something in me stopped me from reacting back – I just kept quiet. She was a very dear friend and couldn’t have meant bad! What happened in a few months that followed is really hard to describe. Around six months later as I appeared for one of my MBA admission interviews, a lady on the interview panel asked me “Are you really from vernacular medium?” I was so pleased that I was not even bothered about the result of the interview!!
..... I have thought about this incident many a times in my mind over past few years but I am yet to reach any definite cause-effect relationship between the incident in college library and my progress in spoken English...... I have speculated but no clear answer yet......
.....May be more often than not I was always surrounded by friends whom I completely trusted...... we never bothered about being politically correct to each other....we just used to speak out our heart....
Many a times an awareness about a problem solves more than half of it.... the trick is you need someone to tell you the problem bluntly....As the years pass by sometimes our ability take feedback diminishes ..... its our success, growing pride.... insecurity whatever it may be.....but more often than not we surround ourselves with people who are politically correct with no sharp edges...... I think this is where we start losing the game. Actually you always need people around you whom you can trust and who can call spade a spade..... simply because mirrors don’t lie!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Growing with your child
“My friends are going to stay over with us for the week-end” she told me third time almost in a span of an hour. “Ya sure, I am not travelling this weekend so I can take you people around”, I offered to be a good host ..... she was somehow irritated. I was thoroughly confused now. “What happened?” I asked out of sheer frustration. “Are you going to be like this?” she asked looking at me from head to toe. “What do you mean?” “Are you going to move around in the house wearing shorts like this when my friends are around?” “Oh!”
Next day morning as I dressed up at 7’o clock in the morning, my wife asked me “where are you going so early on a Saturday?” “Nowhere”...... “Then why are you dressed up?” I was trying to avoid the answer but finally blurted out, ”Because Janhavi’s friends are going to stay with us today and tomorrow”...... my wife burst out laughing and rushed to tell this to my mother ...... I feel like a guest in my own house if I have to be fully clad! And next two days I exactly felt like that.....
Of late I am being groomed day in day out ..... “why are you wearing this shirt?” “why not?” “It does not go well with that trouser” ..... “Its ok I’m going to the office not for a ramp walk” “Thats right but you don’t have to be funny” .... I give up!
Even when I had just started dating my wife (I mean my girlfriend whom I married later) I don’t remember paying particular attention to my looks and throughout my life I have maintained a fairly mediocre dress sense. With this background it is little gruesome for me to be under observation of my daughter all the time ....
“What’s her problem? Off late why is she doing this to me?” I asked my wife “Am I so embarrassing to her or something?”. “No, on the contrary, you are her hero, thats why she is so particular about you”......... I was quite relieved when she said “Shah Rukh Khan has started looking older after he developed six pack Abs. You should never do that”......
Now-a-days my daughter has an opinion on everything “I think congress will win the Lok sabha elections this time around” .....”Why don’t they just shoot the fools who shoot the tigers” ..... “I don’t think Kites will do well on Box Office” ..... I have no issues with all this......... The problem is very simple ... I desperately try to hold her childhood as tightly as I can and it is slowly but surely slipping away.......... I cannot resist the temptation of pulling her cheeks ...while she is busy admiring her own looks in the mirror ....... I can get very sentimental when she walks away to school and can’t resist calling her by her pet name ..... fully knowing the consequences of this blunder!!
I don’t think you feel childhood is a gift when you are a child! It is only when you grow up you realize what a gift it was. You then almost wait for your child’s childhood and try to hold it as tightly as you can while the child is desperate to escape from it ..... the conflict is never really between a parent and a child ..... it is between a parent and an adult who is often misunderstood as a child!
As my daughter falls asleep every night, I slowly walk over to her, pull her cheeks, ruffle her hair ...... the only problem seems to be with my eyesight now-a-days – somehow sometimes- my eyes get moist – I think I need to be careful!!
Next day morning as I dressed up at 7’o clock in the morning, my wife asked me “where are you going so early on a Saturday?” “Nowhere”...... “Then why are you dressed up?” I was trying to avoid the answer but finally blurted out, ”Because Janhavi’s friends are going to stay with us today and tomorrow”...... my wife burst out laughing and rushed to tell this to my mother ...... I feel like a guest in my own house if I have to be fully clad! And next two days I exactly felt like that.....
Of late I am being groomed day in day out ..... “why are you wearing this shirt?” “why not?” “It does not go well with that trouser” ..... “Its ok I’m going to the office not for a ramp walk” “Thats right but you don’t have to be funny” .... I give up!
Even when I had just started dating my wife (I mean my girlfriend whom I married later) I don’t remember paying particular attention to my looks and throughout my life I have maintained a fairly mediocre dress sense. With this background it is little gruesome for me to be under observation of my daughter all the time ....
“What’s her problem? Off late why is she doing this to me?” I asked my wife “Am I so embarrassing to her or something?”. “No, on the contrary, you are her hero, thats why she is so particular about you”......... I was quite relieved when she said “Shah Rukh Khan has started looking older after he developed six pack Abs. You should never do that”......
Now-a-days my daughter has an opinion on everything “I think congress will win the Lok sabha elections this time around” .....”Why don’t they just shoot the fools who shoot the tigers” ..... “I don’t think Kites will do well on Box Office” ..... I have no issues with all this......... The problem is very simple ... I desperately try to hold her childhood as tightly as I can and it is slowly but surely slipping away.......... I cannot resist the temptation of pulling her cheeks ...while she is busy admiring her own looks in the mirror ....... I can get very sentimental when she walks away to school and can’t resist calling her by her pet name ..... fully knowing the consequences of this blunder!!
I don’t think you feel childhood is a gift when you are a child! It is only when you grow up you realize what a gift it was. You then almost wait for your child’s childhood and try to hold it as tightly as you can while the child is desperate to escape from it ..... the conflict is never really between a parent and a child ..... it is between a parent and an adult who is often misunderstood as a child!
As my daughter falls asleep every night, I slowly walk over to her, pull her cheeks, ruffle her hair ...... the only problem seems to be with my eyesight now-a-days – somehow sometimes- my eyes get moist – I think I need to be careful!!
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