Rewards of Failure

I was watching the promos of a film that was launched recently with lot of fanfare. The film talks about the ill-effects of current education system, with the director boldly displaying his educational exploits below his name – “12th STD Fail”. The director being one of the well-known successful directors, it was a great marketing tactic.
I wondered – Was he always so proud of his educational exploits – especially at the time when he failed. How much time and how much pain he must have suffered before boldly displaying that failure?
Its interesting what a failure does to you. When I look back – one bold failure that quickly comes to my mind is my own 12th standard. I completed by bachelor’s degree in science. However, in my time rarely anyone went to B.Sc. out of choice – one was either a failure in securing engineering admission or medicine admission. In my case it was medicine. Life suddenly looked bleak….. out of the bunch of guys that used to hang around with me till 12th Standard, I was the only one left behind with everyone else gone either for an engineering college or a medical college..... its little difficult to imagine now, that I actually behaved the way I behaved that time…. For six months in my graduation, this was the pattern I followed:
1. I genuinely believed that I do not belong to my B.Sc. degree but its just a sheer mistake that has got me there – almost always behaved like a martyr however weird it may sound.
2. I did not bother to make a single friend ( I also remember what helped was a long teachers’ strike where colleges were closed down for more than a month)
3. Anyone who cared to listen, I would make it a point to impress that I missed my medicine admission only by 3 marks (big deal!)

As the time passed, I started realizing that I was going to be in that place. I also developed a faint suspicion that people were avoiding me….. I think people generally do not hang around a failure not because the person is a failure but actually avoid him/her because of the way a person behaves in failure…. Who would hang around someone who is perpetually mourning?..... Of course, I must confess that this learning did not touch me that time and came much later after I almost mastered the art of failing.

That time I had no enlightenment that changed me…. It was just boredom with my state of being at that point of time. I reluctantly started looking around… and life around was quite interesting (pun intended!) …. Library suddenly became the most interesting place to hang around, apart from canteen (could you believe – we actually had separate canteens for boys and girls!!!) …. Rose-days and valentine days came and went by… not that I had any luck but taught me to be an eternal optimist!! Not that I became careless about my career but it just did not consume me…. I made some great friends…. My own patterns got shattered – Till my 12th standard, friends would generally come from similar background and with similar aspirations…. Talking to girls was earlier avoidable (how stupid we could get!!) – then I landed in Microbiology class as the only boy with 25 girls!

Life had its own way of holding my hand and taking me on a great journey that was not marked with any great achievement in conventional sense, but strangely I was on a high!!

Strange was the effect of that phase on me – I remained as competitive and ambitious as I ever was – I just could take string of failures in my stride better…. Ability to bounce back after every failure became better….. these shorter cycles post-failure always allowed me to experiment more….. even today there is no great success but I have realized the journey of struggles and experiments itself is lot of fun….. life has its finite beginning and a defined end…what you do in between is entirely up to you!!

Every time I achieve something…. I chuckle… as my first educational qualification flashes some where at the back of my mind….. a failed doctor!!