Flying under radar sometimes helps….

My wife was preparing some snack for Diwali. Right from the time when I was a child, I just love to hover around the kitchen when Diwali snacks are being prepared. The joy of eating the stuff as it is being prepared is what only foodies would understand. As I put my hand in bowl to pick up some stuff, my wife smacked me on my hand and said, “Please  don’t eat it now and don’t hover around while I am cooking”. Some phrases have the power to take you back in time….this one surely did! My mother used to get extremely annoyed whenever my brother and I sneaked around in the kitchen to eat the stuff while she cooked. She used to scold us, “Don’t do this. If you do this while I am cooking, food wouldn’t turn out as good as it should ”. I always felt it was a superstitious nonsense to just keep us away. But when my wife almost said exactly the same thing, I asked her, “Well, it’s nice to carry on traditions but I  did not know superstitions are part of the package!” “What nonsense!” she retorted. “Mother used to say exactly what you said just now. There was always this superstition of not looking at food while it being prepared, otherwise it does not turn out as good as it should.” She smiled and said, “No, there is nothing superstitious about it! If you try to read while someone is writing or keep looking at the painting when an artist is painting you would get the same reaction. When you are doing something pouring your heart into it, you just need to be in the world of your own without anyone disturbing you. It has an impact on anything creative you are doing, Now please get lost and let me cook peacefully”.

As I walked out of the kitchen, I was thinking about what she just said. I remembered watching a documentary on Netflix a few days back about Bill Gates. In the peak of his Microsoft days, he started taking a “think week” – a week where he would shut himself in a log cabin in a quieter place and just read, think and write. As the time progressed his “think week” became much longer than a week and it helped him tremendously. In the same documentary Melinda Gates mentions, “His brain is like a CPU. He keeps looking at so many things simultaneously and then he just allows his brain to form a framework and process a large amount of apparently unrelated stuff into a meaningful pattern!” According to me she just nailed the formula of success. While Bill Gates is what he is we all have pretty much the same hardware of brain that he has – question is whether we allow it a space to operate and unleash its processing power.

When you are working on something new, you essentially get a large amount of data from unrelated sources. Your brain has a power to churn it and give a framework to you on its own. Once you have that framework, chaos of the data becomes a meaningful information. So while you are crowdsourcing the ideas in the brainstorming phase, you need to take a pause and give your CPU time to process all the data before you move forward. You require that time to reflect. You need your own quiet space, a “me time” to be able to do anything creative. Unfortunately we have made terms like ‘mindfulness’ ‘meditation’ so exotic that people think they are far from reach in a normal everyday life. It’s simply all about spending some quiet time with yourself focusing on what you love doing, doing what is important to you without bothering about the world.

In an era of social media we live in a cacophony and we are almost always ‘online’ on world’s radar.  If you talk to any war strategist who plan a strategic operation, they would tell you their secret - While fighter planes have ability to fly at any height, the real art of winning in a surprise attack is all about ability to fly under the radar. Flying under the radar sometimes helps!

"Inside Out Approach of Image Management"

My wife Pallavi and I had this incredible opportunity to meet Judith Rasband at her institute in Salt Lake City, Utah. It was extremely kind of Judith to give us an appointment on a short notice. For uninitiated in the subject of ‘Image Management’ Judith is the iconic Guru who redefined image management and gave it an identity as a profession. While Pallavi was like “Alice in the wonderland” as she was meeting the Guru of Image Management, I was simply blown away by passion and incredible depth of thinking by Judith as she explained us her work.

At a point of time she asked us a very simple question – ‘what are some of the major barriers in your surrounding when it comes to image management?’ That set me thinking and in my opinion finally everything boils down to your belief system which in turn is deep rooted in your culture / upbringing / the messaging that you have been continuously listening as you grow up.

So what are the cultural messages that I have seen around? I remember a common theme in middle class families of 70’s and 80’s -  whenever one spent more time on ‘looking better’ mostly one got the rap on the knuckles saying, ”You better focus on your studies! If you know your subjects well, it does not matter how you look.  What is going to save you in life is your education and not the looks!” While intention behind this could be noble, I always felt that there were some beliefs that were embedded in these kind of comments :

“If you know your subject well, the presentation layer just does not matter. People who do not know their stuff need to spend more time on the presentation stuff!”

Conversely, “If you are spending too much time on your looks and presentation layer, you may lack depth of  knowledge”

“Focusing on looks and presentation layer is phony – almost glossing over the real facts!”

While I am not an expert on image management, I have definitely seen a lot of super talented people suffering to achieve their full potential because they are stuck in some of the beliefs above.

Solution to this problem is reframing some of the beliefs or challenging these beliefs by showing contrast in the very culture that perpetuated these beliefs.

To the people who question the necessity of image management, I would like to draw their attention to the following situation. Especially in India, when you are meeting your prospective bride or a groom for the first time, why do you take care to dress up a notches up than your ‘normal self’ Is it not phony to do that – why not just let the hearts connect with each other?

I think if the cultural beliefs are coming in the way of making yourself presentable, it can be countered by another strong belief in the same culture and that belief is that of “Respect”.  When you meet someone special for your date, you do not ‘dress up’ because you are phony or would like to mislead the other person. You do so because that other person means something to you, it is also being respectful to the person who is special to you.

So, how about being respectful when you are meeting the world? How about putting your best foot forward so that you indicate your respect to the world instead of an arrogant “I need to be accepted the way I am because I am superior!” Once we anchor our thoughts around the belief of respect, making oneself presentable is just a few step away and if it has to work the process is always “inside out”!!

discipline and safety as foundations of creativity

One of my friends told me a lovely story of a deer. A deer with its beautiful horns and shining skin is very fond of its personality. A deer though feels that its legs are not as beautiful as its horns and feels little sad about it. When a tiger comes hunting , those very legs save the deer from getting hunted and the horns are a liability as the deer runs a huge risk of horns getting entangled in bushes while running. This story highlighted a fact that sometimes it’s the non-glamorous stuff that can be a real savior.

When it comes to ideation or creativity, words like “Discipline” and “process” look non-glamorous. I have heard many talking about creativity as a free-flowing state of mind which cannot be hampered by pre-defined rules. It always sounded ok to me till I had a very interesting experience

I was conducting an offsite for a leadership team recently. Part of the offsite was regular business reviews and I was invited as an observer for that part . One of the non-negotiable rules I set up for any meeting / discussion that I am part of is “safe learning / sharing zone” where participants agree that there is no punishment for speaking the uncomfortable facts / incidents. The rules of how we would interact during the offsite were set up right in the beginning.

During the review presentations,  one of the Business Unit Heads made a very simple statement,” I shouldn’t have accepted the target from the board when deep down I had concerns about the feasibility etc”. I could see the Chairman of the company sitting in the room getting very uncomfortable when this happened. He simply asked” Don’t you realize that you misled the board?” I could sense the situation getting very tense and suddenly the tension in the room was so thick that you could have cut it with  a knife 😊 Intuitively I jumped in and told the audience that it takes raw guts to stand there and I had never seen such brilliant honesty in admitting the shortfall in such a simple manner. The mood changed and everyone clapped for the gentleman who was presenting. With this unexpected response, the presenter had tears in his eyes.

However, the real magic happened afterwards. The atmosphere in the room became much lighter and suddenly it was “OK” to have dialogue about one’s failure / vulnerability. People became comfortable with their own vulnerabilities and ideas started flowing freely. The Chairman of the company later on told me that he had never seen his team contributing so much. I politely told him that they would always do this if they felt safer in the environment.

I think as a facilitators/ coaches we all have responsibility to stick to our process and discipline that we have laid down with the target audience. No amount of provocation and especially senior leadership intervention should sway us away from the discipline and pose a threat to safety. Many a times we allow some senior leaders to hijack the agenda when they break the rules. It is primary job of a facilitator and a coach to ensure that he / she is guardian of the process. This discipline on part of the facilitator / coach creates safety in which creativity naturally blooms 😊

Childhood stories and Coaching

Childhood stories are fun to listen to when we hear them ... meaning of some of those stories is understood much later...

Just came across a childhood story which I’m sure all of you have read or heard. As I was hearing it again, I had a ‘lightbulb’ moment!! I was trying to comprehend some aspects of coaching on my journey to gain mastery in coaching and this story knocked some meaning in my head...

This is a story of two cranes and a tortoise who were best of friends. They all lived happily near a lake. The problem used to be in summer when the cranes would fly away to find another lake with plenty of water.... one summer as they were leaving they said to the tortoise,”We wish you could join us - it’s such a brilliant place out there and not only that - even the journey is beautiful”. As one crane said it, other one had an idea”AHA”he said,”we can take you there. I’ve an idea. We will both hold a stick between us. You hold that stick tightly in your mouth as we fly - but be careful- don’t open your mouth which would be a disaster!!”

Tortoise was overjoyed and readily agreed. The two cranes found out a strong enough twig which would take the weight of the tortoise and they set off as per their plan. Most of the journey was ok and tortoise was really enjoying the new experience of flying!!

As they came near the lake, the view was simply breathtaking and tortoise couldn’t resist saying “ah! What a beautiful place” ......yes ... and that of course was the end of the journey.....

Many a times in coaching our client takes us on a beautiful journey and he/she is in a ‘zone’. This is the time where a coach needs to understand the importance of silence. Silence is the best way to be present there as the coach. This is a delicate moment when coach sometimes gets overwhelmed with his/her own emotion and feels compelled to say something- that’s precisely the tortoise moment. If you understand the real meaning of coach presence, it is never about you or your feelings as a coach - if you are tuned in with active listening you will enjoy your client’s journey keeping your mouth shut!!

The six little ones who taught me coaching!

I was on my journey to pursue mastery in coaching. My mentor coaches insisted that I stop being cognitive and enjoy the whole process as it unfolds and somewhere I was struggling....

Around the same time our Labrador - Angel delivered six breathtakingly beautiful pups. We were overjoyed but also overwhelmed with a sense of responsibility- we knew that we would be giving them for adoption to the right families but for 45 days they were our responsibility- a time when they are most susceptible to all kind of infections !!! So we went on an overdrive mode - we went out and bought 6 trays and created beds for them with soft bedsheets and all!  For the uninitiated about puppy world - the pups when are born have eyes closed and can only crawl for first 10-12 days! The real fun then started! My daughter, mother-in-law, wife and I started a round-the-clock vigil - as soon as any puppy wailed, we would quickly check if  it has wetted the bed or else put the puppy for feeding with mother. Angel - their mother - being a pampered girl was pretty relaxed as she saw us efficiently working like well-trained assembly-line line workers with her puppies! End of three days and we were looking like zombies! “There must be a better way” I muttered to which my wife replied  “babies are like this and we have six of them and you can’t even run to your corporate life now as you’ve none!” - we both laughed and then she said,”you are right - let’s talk to people who have gone through this earlier” - so we made couple of quick calls to our friends who had experience of puppy-sitting- as soon as they heard what we were doing they were in splits .... ‘Are you folks crazy?’ Being used to this question in general in life, we did not mind the comment! They further said “just put a safety boundary so that the puppies don’t crawl all over the house and possibly get trampled - other than that just leave them with their mother and let her figure it out with her pups!”. Not convinced... but out of sheer exhaustion we agreed and AHA! the constant wailing stopped - as soon as they wanted to feed, they would crawl to their mother and feed themselves! As soon as their mother thought they had enough, she would get up and walked away! The whole thing looked sorted out!! We actually for the first time started enjoying the whole stuff!

.....And it’s then that the penny dropped for me! Just by creating a safe zone and treating them like perfectly capable beings, the first-time mother and her little pups who hadn’t even opened their eyes figured it all out! Less pain for them (the amazing and constant wailing stopped!) and much lesser to do for us!! .... the problem is that we were looking at it from our perspective and trying to help which in the first place was not required!! Just create a safe boundary and watch them figure it out - it’s actually fulfilling!!

So the six little ones had a lesson for me - when you coach someone- you are dealing with someone who is perfectly capable of figuring his/her way out, the moment you try to “help” - you as a coach are looking at things from your perspective which is irrelevant from the point of view of coaching!! You actually can create more confusion... just be there holding the mirror as a coach and then observe your client waltzing like a star!!!

Crossing that thin line!

I've always been a hygiene conscious person right from my childhood. People who know me almost find it amusing that I can never eat without washing my hands - even if it means using a little bit of drinking water from a water bottle. I remember one of my friends calling me to give "good news" when hand-sanitizers were launched in India "Dude - this will save some drinking water next time we are out". While my need to wash hands may be part of good hygiene, it is definitely more a psychological need!

Same applies to my being conscious about where I would eat etc. The only exceptions I have made are my travels, treks and funnily if I'm in Parle where I grew up (it's almost like dirt there on the street food is familiar and cannot harm me!!!!). 

For a long time in my life I enjoyed the food served on Mumbai-Pune trains and especially the "cutless" - frequent travellers would know that for some strange reason cutlets would be pronounced like that!! As the time passed by my train journeys stopped altogether for last few years. Due to my work, my Pune Mumbai travel became almost a weekly affair and of course always by the road - the Express highway connecting the two cities. 

This week I finally got fed up of Express Highway and decided to take the train. I boarded the "Deccan Queen" which departed sharp on time from Pune. As I settled in my seat, a fellow in the railways uniform asked me if I would like to order some breakfast which I politely declined - of course for hygiene reasons! I guess over the period, I've excluded my work related travels from the hygiene exception list :-)

As the journey began, gentleman sitting next to me started enjoying his journey - first he had his tea - then wiped his hands with his handkerchief and started enjoying his food one item after other as it came by. The man was in his sixties and did exactly what I would do earlier on my train journeys between Pune and Mumbai! I did my best not to look at him - I guess it's odd to stare at someone enjoying his food! I was distinctly uncomfortable and I thought my feelings stemmed from my concern about the health and hygiene of the old man. But the man looked at peace and was enjoying his journey. I could not understand why would I feel so concerned about a man whom I did not know.  It is then I realised that my feelings had nothing noble about it - it was just pure envy - envy that someone could still enjoy what you enjoyed once upon a time!! Once realised, only right thing then to do was order my breakfast! As I started eating my breakfast - first little hesitantly and then with a supreme bliss my emotions settled down. World that now looked more familiar lulled me into my nap!

I guess the line between being conscious about something and being hyper is very thin!! You don't even realise when you cross it, intellectualise about it and start being plain stupid!!

Yogesh Patgaonkar 

23rd September 2015

Travel freaks

While browsing internet, I came across an article about a small-time tea-stall vendor. He and his wife have by now travelled the whole of India and 16 other countries – every day the man puts aside some money, then takes some bridge loan and travels …. Works hard for some time to clear the loan so that he and his wife can travel again…

….. Long back we had driven down to Kanyakumari from the city of Bangalore for a short vacation… Standing in the Queue for the ferry to “Vivekananda Rock” Pallavi and I were chatting with each other. Suddenly a man standing next to us asked me if I was from Mumbai …. A little irritated at being disturbed I nodded silently …. He introduced himself and narrated his travel story … he and his neighbours who mostly worked on low wages / daily wages regularly kept aside some money and then once in the year, hired a bus to travel to far off places …. They would carry their grocery, cook themselves during the journey and visit the tourist destinations ….. I think they had seen most of India …..

Standing in Kausani, which is about 2000 Km from Mumbai, as I bragged about my long-distance driving, an old man listened quietly ….. when he introduced himself, I realised that he was in his 60’s, drove a small car and had driven from Bangalore ….which meant he had driven at least 1000 km more than me ….

These are true stories and stories like these always inspire me. These are stories of people who may not be great achievers but they quietly believe in following their own dreams and passion….. they live hard lives but do not lose their hearts …….hard life does not become an excuse to not enjoy life ….meagre resources do not come in the way of chasing something which is always considered possible only when you have excess of resources…these are simple stories of simple people who teach us a significant lesson – living a happy life is not a function of your resources but a function of your attitude!!

Freedom of expression

I do not remember much about my grandparents as they used to stay in other city and were quite old by the time they came to stay with us. Though one incident about my grandfather has stuck with me and I guess I will never be able to forget it as long a I live!

My grandfather had lost part of his memory due to an accident, so ,some times, he could not relate to his immediate surroundings. One day my elder sister went up to him to give him a 'pedha' - one of the most popular Indian sweets made from milk. My sister had cleared some important examination and was distributing 'pedha's as per tradition. He took it, muttered some blessings and kept the pedha in his hand. My mother smiled and told him that she would also give it to his son - my father! He said ok and he would eat it little later. My father came home from office after a few hours. Irrespective of my grandfather's condition, he would always know my father's arrival. He called my father and gave him the 'pedha' that he had kept in his hand for his son. The old man had kept the little sweet in his hand for a few hours just to give it to his son. It was such a touching moment that all of us were deeply moved! But as was the tradition, nothing much was said about it!

Many things rush to my mind whenever I think of that incident. Parental love is universal - whether it is expressed or not! My earlier generations carried an enormous pressure of never expressing their true feelings as it would be seen as sign of weakness or arrogance. Howsoever strongly you felt, you nevert talked back to your elders lest you should hurt them. My grandfather and my father never sat across each other and talked expressing their feelings! But the intensity of their relationship was no different than the one I share with my son! Today I feel blessed as we can express ourselves freely and enjoy the moments of life enriched with bouquet of feelings!

There were some merits of earlier ways of life - there was an uncompromising sense of responsibility and duty. So while we enjoy the freedom of expression that relieves us from burden of carrying unexpressed feelings, we also have responsibility to care. Freedom of expression does not mean freedom to hurt anyone or freedom to walk away from responsibilities just because we have a freedom to express! While we enjoy freedom of expression, let's carry with us the good old values of caring for others with a sense of duty! Extreme positions may tempt you to choose either this or that but pleasure of life is in striking balance!

Pain of your child growing up!

Whosoever says kids are innocent are perhaps ignorant themselves. My observation, being  father of two kids -  kids are extremely sharp and generally read people and situations like an open book…

It is a well-established fact in my family that both my kids “figured me out” before completing their first year of existence on this planet. Pretty early they figured out that this fellow is malleable and ductile and can be pulled in any direction. Not that I am not aware of this weakness - it is just one of those rare occurrences where you actually enjoy being manipulated. This also is reason why my wife keeps me at a safe distance when some discipline related decisions need to be taken!!

My daughter, just like any normal child, freely used her charms to get her way – be it about choice of her clothes, food and now her career (she is 17 and has decided to pursue a career in archaeology for some reason which I am yet to figure it out!).

Of late, what annoys me is she has stopped demanding anything from me. Whenever I travel (which is every week!), my 7 year old son is always ready with a new shopping list and patiently explains me his priorities in that list. My daughter used to do the same which she has stopped.

Yesterday, I had gone out to meet a few friends when I received her text message saying she needed a specific brand of pen. Finally!! I was happy that she demanded something. A few minutes later she called me and said, “Look, do not go around searching for that pen. If you find a shop on your way just get it, otherwise it is not all that important. Knowing you, you will roam around half an hour to search for that!” she giggled and disconnected the phone!

I was stunned at the accuracy with which she could predict my behaviour! It is strange that she continues to read me the way she did right from her early childhood – only the end-application of that knowledge is very different now. Though it is very sweet of her, I am still not sure I like it – somewhere deep down I just feel a pain of her growing up!!

Even success hurts …

During early Seventies, Bollywood released its biggest blockbuster  – “Sholay”. It ran in the same movie hall for over five years and till date whenever it runs in cinema hall – there are many who cannot avoid the temptation.

Today I went to watch Sholay as it was released in new 3-D format. What defines its class is the movie released almost four decades ago appealed to my kids also. Actually it is a simple movie on the lines of good old western movies with horses and gunfight. Another peculiar point about this movie is it portrayed the most famous villain of Indian film history – dacoit Gabbar Singh – played my actor Amjad Khan who made his debut on screen with that role.

While watching the movie, I suddenly remembered an interview given by actor Amjad Khan to a magazine. I had read this interview more than couple of decades back and a peculiar statement in that interview lingered in my mind. Amjad Khan said, “Sholay ruined life of two people – Amjad Khan and Ramesh Sippy (director of the movie). Because whatever two of us did in professional life after Sholay was never appreciated – people said that it was not up to Sholay’s standard”……

One would think that Amjad must be grateful for getting such a dream role on his debut. Had he not acted in any film after that, he still would have been a legend in his own rights. As I thought more about that peculiar statement I realized that it was a statement from a sincere and sensitive professional. He must have equally poured his heart in his later roles. Being a refined actor it must have hurt him that those roles did not get their dues…….

I guess even success hurts. Sometimes you do certain stint passionately which gets you your glory. But it also gives you a brand which is difficult to shake off ….. Whatever you do in life after that, get compared with your glorious stint and though you yourself have enjoyed other stints, they never get the due recognition….. It can’t be easy and there are no simple answers

The more I think of, I admire Amjad Khan even more. Amjad Khan is no more in this world …. Otherwise I would have loved to tell him that apart from giving Hindi cinema its most celebrated villain, he has given us a something to think about with that one statement  - RIP Amjad Khan!

Walked to my birthplace Day 73 - 240 Kms done!

Ah! Finally covered 240 Km today on my birthday …… finishing this journey with a story close to my heart … a story that has guided me through life ….

There lived a man called Bhiku who was a devout follower of lord Shiva. Bhiku was a poor man and worked very hard for his living. He always cursed his misfortune and remained depressed most of the time. Bhiku lived in a small hut little away from the town. Road from the town to his house passed through a small forest. Bhiku walked alone on this road at the end of each day cursing his misfortune …

One day as he walked down the forest road, lord Shiva and lady Parvati were traveling through the heaven. Looking down at Bhiku, lady Parvati said, “O lord, this is not fair. He is such an ardent devotee and you are not doing anything to help him.” Lord Shiva sighed, “I would love to, but I can’t”. Lady Parvati said, “O mighty one, how can you say you can’t – I don’t believe this”. Lord Shiva being the evolved one knew better than to argue with his wife. He said, “Alright, tell me how I can help him.” Lady Parvati said, “He is walking down this lonely road. You can leave huge brick of gold in his path just ahead so that he can live happily after that.” “Ok. Is that all? “Yes”. Lord Shiva ensured that there was a huge gold brick just ahead on the road where bhiku walked….

Bhiku was busy cursing his misfortune as usual. Suddenly a thought came in his mind, “Right now I am quite fit – so I am at least able to earn my living – what would happen if I become physically disabled?” Bhiku stood there thinking about what would be the worst handicap. Then he decided that life would be worst if he became blind! “Luck is not on my side” Bhiku muttered “so let me practice it while I am on this lonely road, at least someone will not knock me down and if I really become blind I would be ok if I practice everyday.” Bhiku pulled out his handkerchief and tied it around his eyes to blindfold himself and resumed his walk … He came to the place where Lord had left the huge gold brick and stumbled over the brick. “this is what I was scared of, even on my daily path, walking will be difficult” Bhiku walked passed cursing his misfortune. Lord Shiva sighed and looked at his wife. She understood in an instant what he meant ….

This story talks about self-fulfilling prophecy. Whether god helps you or not, you always orient yourself based on your belief system and meet your prophecy. While you can admire your prophecy, you could have missed a fortune on the way if your prophecy is negative. Nobody has ever achieved anything by cynicism – keep hoping positive and you will find your gold!!

A walk to my birthplace Day 72 (236 Km covered so far)

The stories keep coming as I am just four Km away from my target …..

This is a story of the famous duo of Indian folklore – Emperor Akbar and his wise minister Birbal. Once, Akbar and Birbal were taking a walk in the royal garden. Among other things they discussed food. Emperor said “Eggplant  is a wonderful vegetable”. Birbal nodded “Yes Jahapanah (emperor), it is very good. It tastes great is also good for health”. Birbal described the qualities in detail. Hmmm… the emperor nodded and walked on.

Next day as they walked, the emperor suddenly said, “Birbal, eggplant is a worst vegetable”. Birbal immediately replied, “Khavind (master) I couldn’t agree more – it is terrible”. Emperor smiled and turned around and said sarcastically, “Birbal, don’t you have an opinion. Yesterday I said that eggplant is great to which you agreed wholeheartedly. Today when I said eggplant is worst, you seem to agree with that as well!” The wise Birbal stood there for a moment and quietly said, “Khavind (master), I am your servant and not eggplant’s servant!” Emperor smiled at his favorite minister’s wit and asked “What does that mean”. Looking at emperor’s mood Birbal mischievously said, “Khavind (master), you generally do not like opinion contradicting yours but eggplant does not mind!” Emperor burst out laughing….

There are many leaders who do not tolerate a dissent. With an authority they almost dictate what should be everyone’s opinion. Smart people working with them quickly figure it out and align themselves to the boss – never bothering to express their real opinion.

Funny part is many leaders do not even realize this and bask in the glory of their ideas. They also fool themselves by thinking that they have a great wavelength with their team! What they lose out is numerous possibilities that were never expressed and may settle for suboptimal solutions!

So, if you feel that you have a great wavelength with your team, please watch out for eggplant syndrome!!

A walk to my birthplace Day 71 (230 Km covered so far)

As I walk closer to my goal, stories read as child keep coming to mind thick and fast ….

There lived a king who was one of the most powerful kings of his time. He was popular amongst his subjects and never gave up a single opportunity to show off his powers. Royal procession on festival days was a ritual, king cherished the most. He mounted a big mighty elephant as a part of his royal procession. Crowd used to cheer the king as the procession passed through crowded streets …..

… Once during a procession, a rustic man jumped up from the crowd and caught the royal elephant by its tail. With one jerk of his hand he made the mighty royal elephant sit down! The crowd was stunned for a moment and then there was a thunderous applause! The man smiled with an innocence of a child. King quickly regained his composure and rewarded the man with a bag of gold coins.

Back in the palace, the king paced nervously in his chamber … after some time he called for his wise old minister … Once the minister arrived king said, “The man who pulled down the elephant today looked innocent but he is mighty. Who knows, one day he might challenge me”. Sensing the king’s apprehension, the wise old minister asked the king not to worry about it. He promised the king that he will ensure that the rustic man would not even have strength to stop a horse in the next festive procession that was just a month away….

The wise minister made some inquiries about the rustic man- Bhima. Bhima was a carefree, happy-go-lucky son of a hunter who had grown up in jungle. He was an innocent man and had never harmed anyone. The minister then called Bhima to the palace. He offered the Bhima one of the finest rooms in the palace and cuisine Bhima had never dreamt of.  Once Bhima got used to the palace comfort, minister gave Bhima a small responsibility. Bhima was to light a lamp in the temple on the hill exactly before sunrise. Bhima felt obliged and started his duty. For the first time in his life Bhima had restless nights as he did not want to go wrong on his job.

A month later as the royal procession passed through the streets, the wise old minister challenged Bhima to stop the king’s horse the way he has stopped the elephant. Bhima smiled and moved ahead. As he tried to pull the horse, the horse dragged him!

Back in his palace, the king asked the minister about how he managed the coup. The wise old minister answered, “Your majesty, Bhima’s real strength was his carefree attitude. I gave him all material comforts and best of the cuisine. But I also gave him a small responsibility. Bhima was so addicted to the comfort that he started worrying about his responsibility. Once he stopped being carefree, I knew that he wouldn’t have a strength to even pull a horse!”

Remaining carefree is THE source of your strength. While it is good to chase comforts, be careful of what you are possibly trading off! 

A walk to my birthplace - Day 70 (225 Km covered so far)

As I walked someone honked behind. I looked back little irritated as I was walking on the footpath. I saw a car branded with “motor-training school” logo driven by a petrified man at the steering wheel. He was obviously nervous about learning the car and honking had nothing to do with me!

My mind went back to my motor driving school days. In the late eighties I enrolled for car driving. In those days you typically had to enroll with agencies that trained you basic car driving and got you the license. These agencies were popularly known as “motor-training schools”. The instructor used to pick you up from your designated spot to give a lesson on driving. Once you complete one month, the instructor would take a batch of four to the Regional Transport Office (RTO) to get you your license. On the way to RTO everyone would get to drive for one final round of practice ….

I was trained by an instructor called Yusufbhai. He was taking four of us to RTO. Turn by trun we all drove and finally it was Krishnan’s turn. Krishnan used to be nervous about his driving. He used to hold the steering wheel exactly the way someone would hold the rope hanging from the cliff. There was a fixed expression of amusement on his face – as if he was amused about the movement of the car. Krishnan started driving with his eye fixed on the road. As we drove there was a crater-like pothole on the road. Krishnan almost seemed to aiming for the pothole. Yusufbhai screamed “Krishnan khadda (pothole)”. Without taking his eyes off the road, Krishnan honked and took us through the pothole! Yusufbhai was furious – “Krishnan – do you think pothole will move aside when you honk!” – rest of us were in splits!

Well, we have our own ‘Krishnan’ moments in life. Sometimes we are so nervous about our tasks that there is no joy in moving towards our goal. Though you see a pothole, you forget that pothole will not move by making noise, you have to steer yourself clear of potholes. When we are tensed we just make unnecessary noise even though there is a steering wheel in our own hand!!!

A walk to my birthplace - Day 68 (215 Km covered so far)

As I come closer to my birthplace, random childhood memories kept coming to my mind. For some reason one picture comes vividly to my mind – school on Saturday! Saturday used to be a special day for many reasons. School used to start early morning and end well before noon. The pain of getting up early morning was not felt that sharply as Saturday used to be a special day when father used to come to drop me to school!

What was so special about that? I don’t know but as I walked along with him to school, I used to feel that he was the strongest man in the universe! He used to hold my school bag in just one hand and it still did not touch the ground! I think this is one of the earliest memories of my childhood. There is nothing special about it but, it is perhaps the defining picture of how secure the childhood felt! My story is common and perhaps every child feels the same way …

Once, my cousin had come to stay with us. He is around 12 years older to me. At that time he must be around 20 years old. I think he was a regular visitor to gym and had a well-toned body. When I looked at him, a doubt troubled my mind. Little disturbed, I asked him. “If there is a wrestling match, between you and Baba (my father), who will win?” He was little puzzled by the question – after all why would he have a wrestling match with his maternal uncle (my father)? Looking at my apprehension, he quickly recovered, smiled and answered, “Of course your father! No doubt about that!” I still feel the relief that I felt that day – it sounded so re-assuring!

For some reason this little incident stayed in my mind. Now when I am grown up, I sincerely appreciate my cousin’s sensitivity! He was just twenty and could have easily teased me otherwise. He just ensured that my father remained a hero in my mind ….

If we look around - we can see many heroes….. Our sweeper who cleans the staircases of our building generally comes with his little son …. His son always has a pride on his face as his father manages a big broom and cleans a step in one go! The pride on the little one’s face is exactly like what I must have had years back looking at my father ….  Everyone around us is a hero …. The problem is scarcity of wise men like my cousin!!

A walk to my birthplace - Day 67 (212 Km covered so far)

I was talking my friend who has run 25 marathons so far. He explained me interesting concepts called ‘pace setters’ and ‘bus’. Pace setters are experienced runners who can set a pace for a marathon based on terrain, whether conditions etc. They lead a group of runners to run the marathon as per the set pace and cover the race in target time. Group following ‘pace setter’ is called ‘bus’. Pace setter does not win marathon but the biggest joy is to take an entire group along to complete the marathon in a specified time. My friend told me about a pace-setter called Lizzy and asked me to look up her profile. Lizzy is a young runner who has come in top 3 in earlier marathons. Instead of focusing on getting her rank in the marathon, Lizzy has decided to be a ‘pace setter’ for the upcoming Marathon in Mumbai ……

Lizzy is a successful Financial Services professional who has turned entrepreneur.  Despite her extremely busy and competitive career, Lizzy trains seriously and has always come topper in many of the runs. She has also inspired many of her friends to take up running seriously and stay fit in life ….

Lizzy’s story intrigued me ….

Lizzy comes from a profession where many compete purely to win. That becomes your second nature.... be it career or everyday life. Lizzy has chosen not to compete despite a chance of winning. She has chosen to help others attain the joy of completing a marathon….

I have been walking for a few days to attain my desired goal and sometimes find it tough. Hats off to Lizzy who will run this marathon to help others achieve their goals!

A walk to my birthplace Day 66 (208 Km covered so far)

Weekend always helped. Walked 8 Km in the evening and now a distance of covering 240Km by 18^th looks pretty ok.

As I walked today, the theme of wisdom continued in my mind. While yesterday I narrated a story of father and son, today I am going to share a real life case that was shared with me by one of my colleagues.

One of the leading FMCG Companies faced a peculiar issue. Some of the cartons shipped out by them to the distributors, that were supposed to be filled with toothpaste packs, were found empty! This was a huge embarrassment for company’s reputation. The company set up a competent task force and also appointed a consultant. Finally they came out with a solution that included an ultra-sensitive landing pad at the end of the conveyor belt. This included integration with IT system and an alarm system. Whenever an empty box came out of the conveyor belt, the landing pad would sense it and set an alarm. It would also generate a trigger for  IT system. Company spent a total sum of about half a million dollars but the problem was finally solved.

The alarm went off for the first few days ensuring that no empty carton was shipped out. After about 10/15 days the alarm stopped but there was no problem of empty cartons as well. Everyone was little puzzled and the task force decided to visit the site. When they visited, they saw an elderly worker working closer to the system they had installed. There was also a big table-fan running in full speed next to conveyor belt. “What is this?” they asked. The elderly worker said with a slight irritation, “That thing was ringing a bell whenever an empty box came on. It disturbed me while working. So, I kept this fan. Whenever there is an empty box, it gets blown away by the fan!” The learned men looked at each other sheepishly and the half million spent haunted them!!

Hilarious as it may sound, different versions of this story regularly happen in many organizations. People who work on the ground are never involved in solving problems to which they are closest to! That not only causes cost over-runs but somewhere the wisdom gets buried over a period!

A walk to my birthplace - Day 65 (200 Km covered so far)

A farmer had a huge piece of land and generations of hard work had ensured that the farmer was well off. Farmer had spent all his life working hard but could not attend school. He thought that his son should get what he himself could not get in life.

So the farmer sends the son off to city for education. He finally ensures that his son takes a degree in agriculture from best of the universities. When son returns home equipped with his degree, the proud father takes him to the farm. Father takes him to the tree where the son used to spend most of his time as a child. As they stand near the tree, father asks, “Can you tell me something about this tree” hoping to connect his son to his past / his roots.

Ignorant of his father’s emotion, son looks at the tree and shakes his head. “Father, the way this tree is slanted and the way the leaves are exposed to sunlight, I don’t think this son will bear good mangoes this year”. Father nods, “Interesting that you could make it out based on this observation”. With a smirk the  son says, “Well I have studied best technology when it comes to agriculture.” Father sighs, “Hmm …. You are right. This tree will not bear good mangoes and not only this year but never …. Because it is not a mango tree!!”

Well, I guess the story does not ridicule education, it just gives a word of caution …. Wisdom earned over the years with experience is always valuable. When we approach our work with all our formal education, lets remember that there may be someone who may not be as fortunate as us but would still have the gift of wisdom

A walk to my Birthplace - Day 63 (194 Km covered so far)

A little boy moved into a new town. His parents bought a nice independent house in this small town. The boy loved spending most of his  time in the nice garden in backyard of his house. This was maintained by a wise old Gardner who also worked for the previous owners. The boy would spend hours together looking at flowers and bees.

One morning, as the boy moved around the plants, he observed something fascinating. A cocoon was opening up and a caterpillar was transforming into a butterfly. He stood transfixed there watching the transformation. It was a painful process and at a point the boy could no longer withstand it. He bent forward and helped the butterfly to come out. He cracked open the cocoon only slightly so that the butterfly could come out easily. But alas! what came out was a crippled butterfly with wings not fully developed.

Crestfallen, the little boy walked up to the Gardner and told him the entire episode. The wise old man smiled and said ,"when a butterfly comes out of a cocoon it is extremely painful for the butterfly. But the effort it takes to wriggle out of cocoon also ensures that butterfly builds enough strength in its body and wings to live a healthy life. If you crack the cocoon, you are actually depriving the butterfly an opportunity to build its life support system. I know a butterfly looks very delicate but you need to trust it."

We reach out to people when we see them in their struggle. If we reach out to be with them, it may help but we reach out with our own solutions so that they can quickly come out of the problem. Many a times what people facing problems need, is confidence and trust so that they come out of their own cocoon. They not only figure out a solution but also figure out how to solve the problem!

I know it is tempting to help but please remember "help can harm"

A walk to my birthplace Day 60 (190 Km covered so far)

Yesterday I walked 3 Km but couldn’t write anything. I had a packed day, but cannot say I did not have time to write. I sat down to write but felt strongly against it so did not push it. In fact I had a very strong feeling similar to the feeling when I ‘had’ to do my homework in school!

Today being Sunday, I decided to take a long walk and as I walked for a long 8 km, I kept thinking about yesterday. Today as I walked around, I wondered about why should I feel so strongly against writing – something which I had taken up voluntarily and was actually enjoying quite a bit!

I distinctly avoid walking around a park or a playground in circles. I generally walk around different routes. Every day as much as possible I do a slight deviation to my route walked a day before. It’s just a habit.

Today as I walked around I suddenly realized, I was exactly taking the route used earlier, so I came back and took a slightly different route. I chuckled at my own compulsion to do little changes in the route every day. Apart from the funny side of this small incident, something else clicked …..

… For a long time I have kept myself from any sort of fixed pattern. Perhaps that is also the reason behind avoiding walking around circles in a park. Patterns give rise to a sort of repetitive predictability. Things become ritualistic and soon lose charm. This is pretty much true about my career as I have often sought new challenges and done some pretty crazy things.  Now I understood my yesterday’s feeling about writing. Every time anything becomes close to a ritual, my mind revolts.  There are various obvious advantages of this approach – you always look out for little breath of freshness, always try out new things and not afraid to walk on new paths.

However, patterns are not essentially bad. In fact, most of the times, patterns simplify things and make life little easier. Then why do I have a phobia about any patterns getting formed? Is phobia for patterns itself a pattern?  maybe I need to move away from it or find a better way to deal with it!!!!!!!