What's in it for me?

Every time I think of an interpersonal relationship, I am convinced that if I define "Whats in it for me", dealings are simple and uncomplicated. I learnt it almost accidentally at a ripe old age of 21. Great age when I had just started going steady with my girlfriend. Falling in love can be quite a mixed bag of feelings - while on one hand there is a sense of one of the greatest achievements ("ladki pat gayi yaar!!!) you also start getting strange insecurities. Logic beautifully starts taking a backseat (pun intended!).

My girlfriend Pallavi (name not changed) and I used to have these big fights about whether she needs me as an escort or can go home alone. I used to almost patiently explain the bad side of the world that I have seen at ripe old 21 which a beautiful girl at 18 wouldn't know - at the end of this session she would just say "MCP" and walk off alone! It was just not getting anywhere - then one day it struck me like a lightening - I just explained her which I can't resist repeating:

"Look when you leave Vile Parle and go to Worli by Bus , it takes about 1 Hr and 15 mins - I can't think of anything other than your safety till you call me from home (This is 1991 folks- so no mobile phones!!) - time pretty much wasted. If I drop you home we reach Worli in 30 mins - I get additional half an hour with you. While returning I am at peace because I know I have dropped you home and I am back in half an hour and I still have 15 mins saved! I do it more for my peace of mind than you needing an escort" - Made sense to her. As I got my bike, the beauty took the backseat with that logic!!

More often than not its our "doing something for others" that kills relationships . This either creates "martyrs" or creates "expectations" - a poison for healthy relationship. Everything that I did - there always was something in it for me. Even when I was working in the slums for the adult literacy program I guess it was more for that "high" that I used to get - some adults getting educated was just a bye-product.

As you sit down and explain whats in it for "you", things work wonderfully well even in during a sales pitch. I have found it is extremely fruitful to sit down for a quiet chat with a customer to explain "whats in it for me" - always gave me some great relationships!

Well for those of us who would like to know about how are things between me and Pallavi now - If she has to catch any early morning flight I just personally drive her to the Airport - you have all heard stories about how cabbies can be - haven't you??

The following story just dropped in my mail-box – couldn’t resist sharing:

Story told by a man which is most frightening yet thought-provoking experiences of his life.
He had been on a long flight.. The first warning of the approaching problems came when the sign on the airplane flashed on: “Fasten your Seat Belts”
Then, after a while, a calm voice said, "We shall not be serving the beverages at this time as we are expecting a little turbulence. Please be sure your seat belt is fastened.." As he looked around the aircraft, it became obvious that many of the passengers were becoming apprehensive. Later, the voice of the announcer said, "We are so sorry that we are unable to serve the meal at this time.. The turbulence is still ahead of us.”
And then the storm broke. The ominous cracks of thunder could be heard even above the roar of the engines. Lightening lit up the darkening skies, and within moments that great plane was like a cork tossed around on a celestial ocean. One moment the airplane was lifted on terrific currents of air; the next, it dropped as if it were about to crash.
The man confessed that he shared the discomfort and fear of those around him. He said, "As I looked around the plane, I could see that nearly all the passengers were upset and alarmed. Some were praying.
The future seemed ominous and many were wondering if they would make it through the storm. And then, I suddenly saw a girl to whom the storm meant nothing. She had tucked her feet beneath her as she sat on her seat and was reading a book.
Everything within her small world was calm and orderly. Sometimes she closed her eyes, then she would read again; then she would straighten her legs, but worry and fear were not in her world. When the plane was being buffeted by the terrible storm, when it lurched this way and that, as it rose and fell with frightening severity, when all the adults were scared half to death, that marvelous child was completely composed and unafraid."
The man could hardly believe his eyes. It was not surprising therefore, that when the plane finally reached its destination and all the passengers were hurrying to disembark, he lingered to speak to the girl whom he had watched for such a long time.
Having commented about the storm and behavior of the plane, he asked why she had not been afraid.
The sweet child replied,

"Sir, my Dad is the pilot, And he is taking me home."

A father is always the hero...always strong.......one of the most enduring images of my childhood – one of the earliest memories is the joy that was Saturday- it used to be early morning school and Dad would come to drop me– As we walked together he would hold my schoolbag in just one hand - without it even touching the ground!!!!!

Now being a father, I get awed by the enormity of the task of being a Hero – Do Heroes have right to be scared...to Age....to feel weaker?

Don’t think so.....I just hated the last scene from the movie Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam....How can Amitabh be shown weeping and apologizing.....the one who always made the villains cry to make our childhood secure!!

Well...I have figured out the simplest solution along with my kids....at 78 Dad just continues to be the Hero of the family while I take my carefree emotional flights!!!!!!