Pain of your child growing up!

Whosoever says kids are innocent are perhaps ignorant themselves. My observation, being  father of two kids -  kids are extremely sharp and generally read people and situations like an open book…

It is a well-established fact in my family that both my kids “figured me out” before completing their first year of existence on this planet. Pretty early they figured out that this fellow is malleable and ductile and can be pulled in any direction. Not that I am not aware of this weakness - it is just one of those rare occurrences where you actually enjoy being manipulated. This also is reason why my wife keeps me at a safe distance when some discipline related decisions need to be taken!!

My daughter, just like any normal child, freely used her charms to get her way – be it about choice of her clothes, food and now her career (she is 17 and has decided to pursue a career in archaeology for some reason which I am yet to figure it out!).

Of late, what annoys me is she has stopped demanding anything from me. Whenever I travel (which is every week!), my 7 year old son is always ready with a new shopping list and patiently explains me his priorities in that list. My daughter used to do the same which she has stopped.

Yesterday, I had gone out to meet a few friends when I received her text message saying she needed a specific brand of pen. Finally!! I was happy that she demanded something. A few minutes later she called me and said, “Look, do not go around searching for that pen. If you find a shop on your way just get it, otherwise it is not all that important. Knowing you, you will roam around half an hour to search for that!” she giggled and disconnected the phone!

I was stunned at the accuracy with which she could predict my behaviour! It is strange that she continues to read me the way she did right from her early childhood – only the end-application of that knowledge is very different now. Though it is very sweet of her, I am still not sure I like it – somewhere deep down I just feel a pain of her growing up!!

Even success hurts …

During early Seventies, Bollywood released its biggest blockbuster  – “Sholay”. It ran in the same movie hall for over five years and till date whenever it runs in cinema hall – there are many who cannot avoid the temptation.

Today I went to watch Sholay as it was released in new 3-D format. What defines its class is the movie released almost four decades ago appealed to my kids also. Actually it is a simple movie on the lines of good old western movies with horses and gunfight. Another peculiar point about this movie is it portrayed the most famous villain of Indian film history – dacoit Gabbar Singh – played my actor Amjad Khan who made his debut on screen with that role.

While watching the movie, I suddenly remembered an interview given by actor Amjad Khan to a magazine. I had read this interview more than couple of decades back and a peculiar statement in that interview lingered in my mind. Amjad Khan said, “Sholay ruined life of two people – Amjad Khan and Ramesh Sippy (director of the movie). Because whatever two of us did in professional life after Sholay was never appreciated – people said that it was not up to Sholay’s standard”……

One would think that Amjad must be grateful for getting such a dream role on his debut. Had he not acted in any film after that, he still would have been a legend in his own rights. As I thought more about that peculiar statement I realized that it was a statement from a sincere and sensitive professional. He must have equally poured his heart in his later roles. Being a refined actor it must have hurt him that those roles did not get their dues…….

I guess even success hurts. Sometimes you do certain stint passionately which gets you your glory. But it also gives you a brand which is difficult to shake off ….. Whatever you do in life after that, get compared with your glorious stint and though you yourself have enjoyed other stints, they never get the due recognition….. It can’t be easy and there are no simple answers

The more I think of, I admire Amjad Khan even more. Amjad Khan is no more in this world …. Otherwise I would have loved to tell him that apart from giving Hindi cinema its most celebrated villain, he has given us a something to think about with that one statement  - RIP Amjad Khan!

Walked to my birthplace Day 73 - 240 Kms done!

Ah! Finally covered 240 Km today on my birthday …… finishing this journey with a story close to my heart … a story that has guided me through life ….

There lived a man called Bhiku who was a devout follower of lord Shiva. Bhiku was a poor man and worked very hard for his living. He always cursed his misfortune and remained depressed most of the time. Bhiku lived in a small hut little away from the town. Road from the town to his house passed through a small forest. Bhiku walked alone on this road at the end of each day cursing his misfortune …

One day as he walked down the forest road, lord Shiva and lady Parvati were traveling through the heaven. Looking down at Bhiku, lady Parvati said, “O lord, this is not fair. He is such an ardent devotee and you are not doing anything to help him.” Lord Shiva sighed, “I would love to, but I can’t”. Lady Parvati said, “O mighty one, how can you say you can’t – I don’t believe this”. Lord Shiva being the evolved one knew better than to argue with his wife. He said, “Alright, tell me how I can help him.” Lady Parvati said, “He is walking down this lonely road. You can leave huge brick of gold in his path just ahead so that he can live happily after that.” “Ok. Is that all? “Yes”. Lord Shiva ensured that there was a huge gold brick just ahead on the road where bhiku walked….

Bhiku was busy cursing his misfortune as usual. Suddenly a thought came in his mind, “Right now I am quite fit – so I am at least able to earn my living – what would happen if I become physically disabled?” Bhiku stood there thinking about what would be the worst handicap. Then he decided that life would be worst if he became blind! “Luck is not on my side” Bhiku muttered “so let me practice it while I am on this lonely road, at least someone will not knock me down and if I really become blind I would be ok if I practice everyday.” Bhiku pulled out his handkerchief and tied it around his eyes to blindfold himself and resumed his walk … He came to the place where Lord had left the huge gold brick and stumbled over the brick. “this is what I was scared of, even on my daily path, walking will be difficult” Bhiku walked passed cursing his misfortune. Lord Shiva sighed and looked at his wife. She understood in an instant what he meant ….

This story talks about self-fulfilling prophecy. Whether god helps you or not, you always orient yourself based on your belief system and meet your prophecy. While you can admire your prophecy, you could have missed a fortune on the way if your prophecy is negative. Nobody has ever achieved anything by cynicism – keep hoping positive and you will find your gold!!

A walk to my birthplace Day 72 (236 Km covered so far)

The stories keep coming as I am just four Km away from my target …..

This is a story of the famous duo of Indian folklore – Emperor Akbar and his wise minister Birbal. Once, Akbar and Birbal were taking a walk in the royal garden. Among other things they discussed food. Emperor said “Eggplant  is a wonderful vegetable”. Birbal nodded “Yes Jahapanah (emperor), it is very good. It tastes great is also good for health”. Birbal described the qualities in detail. Hmmm… the emperor nodded and walked on.

Next day as they walked, the emperor suddenly said, “Birbal, eggplant is a worst vegetable”. Birbal immediately replied, “Khavind (master) I couldn’t agree more – it is terrible”. Emperor smiled and turned around and said sarcastically, “Birbal, don’t you have an opinion. Yesterday I said that eggplant is great to which you agreed wholeheartedly. Today when I said eggplant is worst, you seem to agree with that as well!” The wise Birbal stood there for a moment and quietly said, “Khavind (master), I am your servant and not eggplant’s servant!” Emperor smiled at his favorite minister’s wit and asked “What does that mean”. Looking at emperor’s mood Birbal mischievously said, “Khavind (master), you generally do not like opinion contradicting yours but eggplant does not mind!” Emperor burst out laughing….

There are many leaders who do not tolerate a dissent. With an authority they almost dictate what should be everyone’s opinion. Smart people working with them quickly figure it out and align themselves to the boss – never bothering to express their real opinion.

Funny part is many leaders do not even realize this and bask in the glory of their ideas. They also fool themselves by thinking that they have a great wavelength with their team! What they lose out is numerous possibilities that were never expressed and may settle for suboptimal solutions!

So, if you feel that you have a great wavelength with your team, please watch out for eggplant syndrome!!

A walk to my birthplace Day 71 (230 Km covered so far)

As I walk closer to my goal, stories read as child keep coming to mind thick and fast ….

There lived a king who was one of the most powerful kings of his time. He was popular amongst his subjects and never gave up a single opportunity to show off his powers. Royal procession on festival days was a ritual, king cherished the most. He mounted a big mighty elephant as a part of his royal procession. Crowd used to cheer the king as the procession passed through crowded streets …..

… Once during a procession, a rustic man jumped up from the crowd and caught the royal elephant by its tail. With one jerk of his hand he made the mighty royal elephant sit down! The crowd was stunned for a moment and then there was a thunderous applause! The man smiled with an innocence of a child. King quickly regained his composure and rewarded the man with a bag of gold coins.

Back in the palace, the king paced nervously in his chamber … after some time he called for his wise old minister … Once the minister arrived king said, “The man who pulled down the elephant today looked innocent but he is mighty. Who knows, one day he might challenge me”. Sensing the king’s apprehension, the wise old minister asked the king not to worry about it. He promised the king that he will ensure that the rustic man would not even have strength to stop a horse in the next festive procession that was just a month away….

The wise minister made some inquiries about the rustic man- Bhima. Bhima was a carefree, happy-go-lucky son of a hunter who had grown up in jungle. He was an innocent man and had never harmed anyone. The minister then called Bhima to the palace. He offered the Bhima one of the finest rooms in the palace and cuisine Bhima had never dreamt of.  Once Bhima got used to the palace comfort, minister gave Bhima a small responsibility. Bhima was to light a lamp in the temple on the hill exactly before sunrise. Bhima felt obliged and started his duty. For the first time in his life Bhima had restless nights as he did not want to go wrong on his job.

A month later as the royal procession passed through the streets, the wise old minister challenged Bhima to stop the king’s horse the way he has stopped the elephant. Bhima smiled and moved ahead. As he tried to pull the horse, the horse dragged him!

Back in his palace, the king asked the minister about how he managed the coup. The wise old minister answered, “Your majesty, Bhima’s real strength was his carefree attitude. I gave him all material comforts and best of the cuisine. But I also gave him a small responsibility. Bhima was so addicted to the comfort that he started worrying about his responsibility. Once he stopped being carefree, I knew that he wouldn’t have a strength to even pull a horse!”

Remaining carefree is THE source of your strength. While it is good to chase comforts, be careful of what you are possibly trading off! 

A walk to my birthplace - Day 70 (225 Km covered so far)

As I walked someone honked behind. I looked back little irritated as I was walking on the footpath. I saw a car branded with “motor-training school” logo driven by a petrified man at the steering wheel. He was obviously nervous about learning the car and honking had nothing to do with me!

My mind went back to my motor driving school days. In the late eighties I enrolled for car driving. In those days you typically had to enroll with agencies that trained you basic car driving and got you the license. These agencies were popularly known as “motor-training schools”. The instructor used to pick you up from your designated spot to give a lesson on driving. Once you complete one month, the instructor would take a batch of four to the Regional Transport Office (RTO) to get you your license. On the way to RTO everyone would get to drive for one final round of practice ….

I was trained by an instructor called Yusufbhai. He was taking four of us to RTO. Turn by trun we all drove and finally it was Krishnan’s turn. Krishnan used to be nervous about his driving. He used to hold the steering wheel exactly the way someone would hold the rope hanging from the cliff. There was a fixed expression of amusement on his face – as if he was amused about the movement of the car. Krishnan started driving with his eye fixed on the road. As we drove there was a crater-like pothole on the road. Krishnan almost seemed to aiming for the pothole. Yusufbhai screamed “Krishnan khadda (pothole)”. Without taking his eyes off the road, Krishnan honked and took us through the pothole! Yusufbhai was furious – “Krishnan – do you think pothole will move aside when you honk!” – rest of us were in splits!

Well, we have our own ‘Krishnan’ moments in life. Sometimes we are so nervous about our tasks that there is no joy in moving towards our goal. Though you see a pothole, you forget that pothole will not move by making noise, you have to steer yourself clear of potholes. When we are tensed we just make unnecessary noise even though there is a steering wheel in our own hand!!!

A walk to my birthplace - Day 68 (215 Km covered so far)

As I come closer to my birthplace, random childhood memories kept coming to my mind. For some reason one picture comes vividly to my mind – school on Saturday! Saturday used to be a special day for many reasons. School used to start early morning and end well before noon. The pain of getting up early morning was not felt that sharply as Saturday used to be a special day when father used to come to drop me to school!

What was so special about that? I don’t know but as I walked along with him to school, I used to feel that he was the strongest man in the universe! He used to hold my school bag in just one hand and it still did not touch the ground! I think this is one of the earliest memories of my childhood. There is nothing special about it but, it is perhaps the defining picture of how secure the childhood felt! My story is common and perhaps every child feels the same way …

Once, my cousin had come to stay with us. He is around 12 years older to me. At that time he must be around 20 years old. I think he was a regular visitor to gym and had a well-toned body. When I looked at him, a doubt troubled my mind. Little disturbed, I asked him. “If there is a wrestling match, between you and Baba (my father), who will win?” He was little puzzled by the question – after all why would he have a wrestling match with his maternal uncle (my father)? Looking at my apprehension, he quickly recovered, smiled and answered, “Of course your father! No doubt about that!” I still feel the relief that I felt that day – it sounded so re-assuring!

For some reason this little incident stayed in my mind. Now when I am grown up, I sincerely appreciate my cousin’s sensitivity! He was just twenty and could have easily teased me otherwise. He just ensured that my father remained a hero in my mind ….

If we look around - we can see many heroes….. Our sweeper who cleans the staircases of our building generally comes with his little son …. His son always has a pride on his face as his father manages a big broom and cleans a step in one go! The pride on the little one’s face is exactly like what I must have had years back looking at my father ….  Everyone around us is a hero …. The problem is scarcity of wise men like my cousin!!